absolutely whizzer

stories and stuff from whizzer0

Category: from the archives

[From the archives] /r/writingprompts: “[EU] The Pokemon have invented a Pokeball capable of capturing a human.”

[2016-03-24: I thought I’d track down old stories I wrote for /r/writingprompts… I remember linking each story to each other in the original posts, but apparently for this one, the only one I could remember enough of to track down, I didn’t do so. The only other one I can remember was about someone… I think their mum disappeared? And somehow they ended up on Mars? Wait, there was something to do with a wallet or a photo or something, that was the prompt… Maybe I’ll be able to find it.]

[Original comment]

Everyone cheers the Pokémon on.

“Who shall we test it on?” I ask, glad that I could assist in the creation of this new Pokéball.

“How about…”

Everyone tenses in anticipation. Red? Ash? Or someone less obvious?

They all point towards me.

I halt for a brief moment, and then start running. They’re going to test it on me. The player. And I’m not going to let that happen.

But the Pokéball whizzes towards me. I jump and try to dodge it, but I’m cornered. I’m dragged into it, screaming and shouting desperately for them to reconsider this, to let me go…

Next thing I know, I’m thrown out into battle.

“Go, HUMAN!”

What?

A huge flame rips through the air towards me. I look up to be met by a towering Charizard. It’s hot… so very hot…

“HUMAN fainted!”

I’m back out again, this time in a pen within some kind of scientific facility. I see a sign on the wall and realise that I’m in a different region entirely. What’s been happening in between the jumps?

“Hmm… Very interesting…” says a scientist, a professor of some sort, “So is this… Pokéfication… a side effect of the Pokéball or something else entirely?”

“Well, our investigations suggest that really, humans are not all that different from Pokémon.”

“Shall we record you in the Pokédex then?”

As the professor tries to get out the Pokédex to record me, he fumbles and drops the Pokéball into my pen.

I smile with glee as I notice that there are more of the Pokéballs in the corner.

“Oh no! Oh no you don’t!”

But really, having your own team of humans to use in battle is quite fun.

[From the archives] Stuff is happening

test post please ignore

[From the archives] The Rain Remembers

The second and final poem for this year’s National Poetry Day contest! This is for the expert category – a haiku. The theme this year is Remember.

The Rain Remembers (haiku)

[whizzer0]

Rain is summer’s bane

Rain falls from the clouds above

Rain soaks the world below

Rain holds memories

Rain holds lives and secret thoughts

Rain will remember

Rain is remembered

Rain sticks to our minds like glue

Rain affects our thoughts

Rain can bring sadness

Rain is like tears on your face

Rain is misery

But rain can bring joy

Splashing through the soggy streets

Rain is happiness

Of all rain has seen

Happy memories will stick

The rain is joyful

[From the archives] Four Notes From the Fields of War

EDIT: Added the word “Four” in the title to clarify the poem.

First poem for the National Poetry Day contest! This year’s theme is Remember.

If anyone’s interested in reading older drafts of the poems, just say in the comments and I’ll put them up.

Four Notes From the Fields of War

[whizzer0]

War marches on,

Every day and every night.

When the war began,

It was nothing – over by Christmas.

Look at us now – our

Lives have been upturned.

Rain pours down on my lands

Everywhere you look.

My armies are at stalemate

Even though one must win.

My fields are stained with

Blood, all across my once-green grass,

Everything now grey or brown – but for the red –

Rain will wash it away.

The heat of battle is intense –

Here a shot, there a shot.

Every shot could hit its target,

Me or someone else.

[From the archives] Writer’s Bloc 16/9/14 – free animal

Free writing from Writer’s Bloc.

Stimulus: “There is a sound like a pebble dropped down a well.” (from All The Truth That’s In me)

begin story


There is a sound like a pebble dropped down a well.

Mostly because a pebble was dropped down a well.

However, this pebble is a very important pebble.

It isn’t a smartwatch, if you’re wondering. Just an ordinary, small stone.

Who dropped it down the well? What pebble is this?

Why is it so special?

That is what I must find out.

The first step? Drop down the well after it.

Which, er, turns out to be a very stupid idea.

•••

There is a sound like a boulder dropped down a well. This is followed by a momentary scream, and then nothing.

I peer down the well. I can’t see anything – it’s so dark.

I hear a familiar laugh behind me. Oh great. It’s Will.

“Whatcha doin’, looking down a well?”

“Shove off,” I reply.

“I will shove off.”

He shoves me off down the well.

•••

There is a sound like a, I don’t know, something dropped down the well.

The well has no guard.

time up

[From the archives] Untitled Doctor Who Story 2: Into The Spaceship – The Twoish Doctors

OH GOD THIS IS UTTER SHITE AND IT GOES ON FOREVER PLEASE DON’T READ THIS I BEG OF YOU – 2018-10-16

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[From the archives] A joke

“Why are those ducks staring at us? Are they impressed with our kayaking?”
“No, they’re actually laughing telepathically.”
Telepathically?
“That’s what that noise in your head is.”

[From the archives] Untitled Doctor Who story

I wrote this story with input from my 7-year-old half-brother. It’s intended to be set just before A Town Called Mercy.

One morning, on the planet of Pelia, a blue box slowly faded into view, making a peculiar noise. It appeared inside the town of Polo, next to a huge, towering skyscraper. There were giant, rocky mountains surrounding the town, which kept the town from growing bigger, although it was quite big already. Flying cars whizzed around, taking people away from Polo.


The people of Pelia would look rather peculiar to you or me. Their arms and heads were swapped from the traditional humanoid, so that they had two heads on the sides of their bodies, and one arm sprouting from the top. It made things a little difficult, and as such, some Pelian scientists had developed additional arm attachments.

However, it was not a Pelian who stepped outside of the blue box when its door opened. The man who stepped out resembled the traditional human, although he very much wasn’t.

This man wore a bow tie, which he thought was rather cool, and a tweed jacket. He stepped outside and took a look around the town. He was going to step back inside the box, as there didn’t seem to be anyone around, when, suddenly, he saw something move.

Something silver.

Then the screams started.

He abandoned the blue box and ran towards the sound of screaming. Huge metal men, also following the standard humanoid shape, were attacking these peculiar people with heads instead of arms. The man, however, did not find this surprising, and instead took more interest in how to stop the metal men.

He took out a strange contraption, which was stick-like and made a noise, which occurred at the same time as the tip lighting up green. He pointed this at the metal men and seemed simultaneously satisfied and unhappy with the result, which appeared to be nothing much.

The metal men took notice of this action.

“YOU ARE THE DOCTOR,” said one of them, in a strange, robotic voice. The many heads of the Pelians looked even more terrified.

“Good to see you too!” replied the man, who must be the Doctor.

“MEANING UNKNOWN,” answered the metal man.

“You are the Cybermen and you are attacking this planet, the planet Pelia, home to Pelians. Why?”

“WE WANT MONEY.”

“Of course, of course, Pelia, gold, Pelian gold, sells for millions across the universe, and now you’re here – for some big money-making scheme? Why would a Cyberman want money?”

“MONEY CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE. WITH MONEY WE WILL CONTROL THE UNIVERSE TOO.”

“But gold harms you.”

“WE ARE PREPARED.”

The Cyberman gestured towards a large truck, with crates and crates ready for gold, as well as special machines to collect it without touching the Cybermen.

The Doctor spied an entrance to what must be a mine. He remembered that gold was found whole in the ground of Pelia, which meant it was so readily available that they could ship huge quantities across the universe. It was also rather harmful when touching Cybermen, and would run out on Pelia in fifty years, leaving it abandoned in seventy.

The Doctor stared hard at the Cyberman, which made no further efforts to attack him or the Pelians. When the Doctor was satisfied, he made a break and ran straight into the mine, which was actually abandoned due to it being very dangerous. The Doctor, however, had no idea of this, and so was only alerted to the fact when it started collapsing in on him.

He remembered times like this when he’d have a companion with him to race down collapsing mines and spaceships and corridors and things. Now it was just him. For now. He’d visit Amy and Rory soon, he made himself promise that.

The Doctor pulled out large handfuls of gold from the walls of the caves, and started running back up before the mine collapsed completely.

He ran straight into a mound of collapsed rock. He stopped, rubbing his nose.

He looked around. Aha! There was a pickaxe, abandoned in the wall. It would take a while, but he’d make it through, hopefully in enough time to stop the Cybermen.

He swung it at the mass of boulders. It promptly broke.

The Doctor put his hand into his deep pocket. He felt something, and pulled it out, surprised. He looked at it. Of course! It was a trading window into the Obsidian Mainframe, the universe’s biggest trading centre. And he was holding in his other hand a mass of gold.

He connected through the device. He found someone willing to buy gold for credits and he inserted some of the gold into the machine. Come on… Yes! He should have plenty enough now for some explosives.

He found someone else who was selling explosives, which he bought and received through the device. He put the device away in his pocket and popped down a couple explosives.

“If there’s anyone out there, now would be a good time to run very far away!” he warned.

He gave it a couple of seconds before lighting the explosives and running very far away.

KABOOMBOOM! They went off, and the Doctor ran back to where the boulders used to be. However, the explosion had caused the rest of the dangerous mine to start collapsing. The Doctor ran and just managed to get away from the cave-in.

“Hello! What did I- oh.”

The Doctor turned to a very serious expression. He noticed heavily that there were no Pelians there anymore.

“What have you done to the nice people of this planet?” he questioned, noting that there were also significantly less Cybermen and also no truck.

“THEY MAY HAVE BEEN CONVERTED.”

“I didn’t think Cybermen had a sense of humour.”

“WE HAVE BEEN UPGRADED. OUR MINDS ARE IMPROVED, AND SO IS OUR SPEECH.”

“Sounds like you have someone controlling you.”

There was no response from the Cyberman.

Eventually, it spoke again.

“YOU ARE TOO LATE, DOCTOR. WE HAVE TAKEN MOST OF THE GOLD FAR AWAY FROM THIS PLANET AND DEALT WITH THE PEOPLE TO EXPAND OUR WORKFORCE. WE ARE HERE TO FIND MORE GOLD THAT WAS LEFT, AS WELL AS… YOU.”

At this, the Doctor struck out with his remaining gold, and fried the Cyberman, which begun to spit a liquid resembling milk, as Cybermen often, peculiarly, do when they are defeated.

The Cyberman slumped to the ground and the Doctor started to go in the general direction of the blue box.

“YOU WILL NOT RETURN TO YOUR TARDIS,” said a Cyberman, and we can only assume that it meant the blue box.

The Doctor replied with a stony look and another bash of gold. Following this, he began to run to his TARDIS.

After a couple more Cybermen were defeated, mostly because the Doctor could run faster than Cybermen, he reached his TARDIS.

This TARDIS was in fact a spaceship and a time machine, all in one bigger-on-the-inside blue box. With this he went after the rest of the Cybermen, who had escaped in their own, larger-on-the-outside spaceship.

But it was not the Doctor who defeated them. Instead, it was a larger, black spaceship, which appeared from behind a planet and fired lasers at the Cybership. The TARDIS landed inside the Cybership only to see it implode, sending the Doctor flying back into the TARDIS and hitting his head on the controls.

The Doctor pressed a button to shut the door, and set off, rubbing his head. That other spaceship needed investigating, but, first, he must visit the Ponds. Perhaps a visit to Mexico was in order.

I think I might do a sequel. What do you think?

[From the archives] New portal

Check it out!
whizzer0.tk
It’s simply a portal to my various web pages with nice Metro icons. It’s still a work in progress, but it works.

[From the archives] Welcome

Welcome to my new blog, “absolutely whizzer”. I had an old blog but I didn’t use it. I had nothing to put in it and it was called “whizzer0’s Blog”. I mean, how awful is that? Any self-respecting blog needs a pun.
Anyway, enjoy the various rants, ideas, announcements, stuff, rants and stuff. It’s a blog!

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